At least once a day, I worry about all the things that I should be doing. I should volunteer more often. I should spend more time with my family. I should visit my friends in other states. I should cook for my husband and only buy organic produce. I should clean more often. I should write more often. I should visit my elderly neighbors, sit down and take a hard look at my finances, go through the untouched pile of mail on the table in the hallway, and finally use the ice cream maker that we got as a wedding gift.
Instead, in the little free time that I have, I end up lying in bed watching a Sister Wives marathon and playing games of Scramble on my phone. Does that make me a terrible person? I hope not. I figure I work long hours, make time to workout, talk to my family daily, do nice things for other people when I can, and clean enough that no one has applied for me to be on Hoarding: Buried Alive, so hopefully I'm doing OK.
It all feels so overwhelming, but I know that's no excuse. There are plenty of people who are far busier than I am... people with multiple children and multiple jobs just trying to get through each day, and they still find ways to make a difference, serve others, and better themselves. Even President Obama finds time to exercise regularly. Jennifer Weiner wrote her first novel, Good in Bed while working full-time as a reporter at The Philadelphia Inquirer. Plenty of single moms work long days and still manage to cook a healthy meal for their children. Every one of the Real Housewives seems to have at least 6 different "business ventures" in the works. I have no real excuses, and frankly having all of the best intentions means nothing if you have absolutely now follow through.
I'm going to try to do better. I'm going to try to do more. I know even little efforts make a difference, but when is it enough? Is there some invisible level of effort that qualifies us as a "good citizen," a "good friend," or a "good human being"? Is there ever a time when you can stop and take a nice break from it all, guilt free? Can you ever retire from doing the dishes, or quit working on becoming a better person?
Knowing that realistically, life will only get busier from here on out doesn't exactly help.
For the moment I am going to go tackle the mail pile, and then maybe a nap. With Sister Wives on in the background. Don't judge me!